Another Year

We've been celebrating Josh's birthday all weekend long.  I can't express with words how amazing he is- both as a father and a husband.  He is a godly, wonderful man.

What an adventure we've been on in our life together already.  This past year has been its own kind of crazy...I am so thankful for his love and leadership.  Happy Birthday, Josh!!

Picture updates!

Get ready for a ton of Zachary photos- it's been forever- I have to catch up on a few things we've been up to this summer.

 He loves the piano- any music!

First Independence Day! 

Cutie

First Dentist appointment (lots of tartar from years of no brushing, but no cavaties!)

He got up there all by himself :)

Brother love

First Chickfila cow appreciation day

Grammy and G-gma

Exploring the lake

Splash pad fun!

 

Love these three so much!

9 months later

It's been 9 months since Zachary joined our family.

Five and a half years since he was born.

It seems like ages ago that we stood in that hot, cramped, civil affairs office and welcomed a scared and numb little boy into our arms.

Compared to the years he spent in an orphanage, Zachary's time with has been so short.  And each day we are learning more about him.  He has changed so much!

But we are the ones who have truly changed.

I think about the children we left behind.  Some banging their heads in cribs.  Some clinging to our legs as we walked around, desperate for our attention.  Nannies advocating for children, "Please tell your friends how well we take care of our children.  Tell them to come.  Tell them to adopt."

Honestly, as these months have unfolded the last thing I wanted to tell anyone was to "come".

The process is tough.  It is costly.  It is excruciating at times.  It is not for everyone, and it is not easy.

But I'm telling you now.  If you've thought about it.  If you're on the fence.  If you wonder how you'll survive it, are afraid how it will change your life.  It's ok.  You can do it.  God goes before you.

That's the only thing I can truly promise you.

Because it will be hard.  Looking into the face of orphans, walking with them through their hurt, suffering, and pain, is HARD.

It will shatter you. Your feet may fail.

But there will be joy!  And the joy of the Lord is your strength to stand.

And one day- 2 months, 9 months, 5 years later- you will realize that you are completely changed.  And your love is fuller, richer, deeper.  And you couldn't imagine your life apart from it- the hurt and the joy.  They are woven into the fabric of your family, and you are so much better for it.

HOME

I'll have to transfer all my FB posts of our time in China to the blog, but we are officially home with Zachary!

I loved the opportunity to see China and take in a bit of Zachary's culture.  We adored the authentic cuisine- oh noodle house how we miss you!  Zachary misses the congee every morning.  I was appreciative of the hospitality of the Chinese people.  Of the beauty of a country of billions somehow making it all look effortless.  I'll miss the friendships we made while in China- other families who just get it.  Who are walking the exact same road and somehow have immediate fellowship with eachother.

I will not miss being away from my other kids.  I will never be sad to wake up in America- so full of opportunity and freedom.  I will not miss the smell of cigarette smoke, pollution, and sewage in the air.  The dirtiness of the streets.  Perhaps that's par for the course in any big city...but it certainly made me grateful for NC.  We have it so good.  We are blessed and spoiled and so so fortunate to live in the abundance that we do.

I'll never be the same because of what I saw and heard.  I hope I never forget.  I hope I can do something with what I've been given, because it is honestly too much.

As for Zachary- he is doing well!  I'll be honest in saying that the reality of his delays did not hit us full force until we saw him.  You can know it in your head, but knowing it in your heart takes time.  

In many ways he is so much more than we imagined.  His smile is bigger, his laugh is sweeter, his hugs are perfect.  He is a lover.  We are completely smitten!

But he has also suffered so much from his medical conditions and life in an institution.  His body is stiff and weak. His head rolls around a bit when he's tired and his eyes can't always focus.  He doesn't understand much of what we say- I wonder how much he ever will.

And we love him.  We can't wait to see how our life unfolds with him in it.  Zachary Jude Yuanjin Brown has a forever home!  Thank you Lord for allowing us to be your hands and feet in this small way.  

Please Read - so important as we come home

Dear Family & Friends,  

After 12 months of waiting, praying, longing, hoping--- little Zachary is on his way home! We are overjoyed at God's grace, but we also realize this will be a season of adjustment for our family. We know that each of you reading this letter has-- in some way-- supported, loved and prayed for us. Because we know your care for Zachary and our family, we want to share with you some information that we hope will best equip everyone around him to assist us in laying the strongest and healthiest foundation – emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In many ways, Zachary will be like the children who entered our family through birth; we will seek to bring all of them up in the instruction and discipline of the Lord. But there will be a few, initial differences in the way we have parented in the past. 

We are confident of this: God’s design is PERFECT! His plan for parents and children is a beautiful and meaningful picture of His love for us. Attachment between a parent and child occurs over time when a baby has a physical or emotional need and communicates that need. The primary caretaker (usually mommy) meets the need and soothes the child. This repeats between a parent and child over and over to create trust within the child for that parent; the baby is hungry, cries in distress, mom nurses & calms the baby – which teaches her that this person is safe and can be trusted. By God’s very design, an emotional foundation is laid in the tiniest of babies, which will affect their learning, conscience, growth and future relationships. The security provided by parents will, ultimately, give children a trust for and empathy towards others.

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in this typical attachment process. The loss of a biological mother and father at an early age can be a major trauma on their little hearts. Zachary has experienced the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of his birth country. When Zachary comes home, he will be overwhelmed. Everything around him will be new and he will need to learn not just about his new environment, but also about love and family. He has not experienced God’s design for a family having lived in an orphanage setting. His world is turned upside down. He may struggle with feeling safe and secure and he may lack the ability to trust that we will meet his needs. The good news is that we can now, as Zachary's parents and forever family, rebuild attachment and help him heal from these emotional wounds.

The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed him. As this repeats between us, he will be able to learn that Mom and Dad are safe to trust and to love deeply. We are, essentially, recreating the newborn/parent connection. Once Zachary starts to establish this important bond, he will then be able to branch out to other, healthy relationships. Zachary will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Although it may appear that we are spoiling him at times, we have been advised that it is best that we meet every need quickly and consistently. He may show his grief and confusion in many ways, and we are prepared to help him through it and prove that we are a forever family. You may also notice us tighten our circle a bit, stay close to home, and we may seem a little less available socially, for a while. Please know that these decisions are prayerfully and thoughtfully made choices based on our personal research and instruction from trusted adoption mentors. We will be doing what we believe is best to help him heal from those interruptions in attachment as effectively as possible. 

Why are we telling you all of this? Because you will actually play an awesome and vital role in helping our Zachary settle in, heal, and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us:

The first is to set physical boundaries. We cannot WAIT to see some of you at the airport when we arrive home!! Keep in mind...It will help us immensely if adults limit what is typically considered normal, physical contact with Zachary  This will (for a while) include things like holding, hugging and kissing. Children from orphanage settings are prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone – which hinders the important, primary relationship with parents. Waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Zachary should know that the people with whom he interacts are our trusted family and friends. He is going to love each and every one of you!! :)

Another area is redirecting Zachary's desire to have his physical and emotional needs met by anyone (including strangers) to having us (Josh and I) meet those needs. Orphans often have so many caretakers that they, as a survival mechanism, become overly charming toward all adults. A child struggling to learn to attach may exhibit indiscriminate affection with people outside of their family unit. It may appear harmless and as if they are “very friendly” but this is actually something that isn’t good for the child. To share this is difficult for us because you have openly loved on our other children and we have loved on yours as well, and treasure that connection. Please understand that we want nothing more than to have Zachary hugged, cuddled and cherished by ALL of you. But until he has a firm understanding of family and primary attachments, we would be so grateful if you direct him to us if you see that he is seeking out food, affection or comfort.

Also, please feel free to ask us any questions at any time. We are learning too, and are grateful that you are seeking with us to help Zachary feel loved, safe, and secure. We are incredibly blessed to have so many loved ones around us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our sweet boy.  Thank you so much for your love and support over the past year. We are truly blessed!

We look forward to seeing you all once we arrive home!!!

Blessings,

Josh and Rene 

Forever Family Day

"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone- but still miraculously my own.

Don't forget for a single minute, you didn't grow under my heart, but in it."

We love you forever, Zachary Jude Yuanjin Brown.

Mixed

My heart is filled with a mix of joy and despair tonight.

Two hours down the road in a town called Zhuhai, Zachary is spending his last night in an orphanage.

My heart leaps for joy at the thought that our precious boy will no longer sleep alone.  That he will always have someone to rock him and sing to him, give kisses, and pray over him as he falls asleep.  His future is full of love and hope.

But I am also filled with a deep sadness.  Because this is the last night that Zachary will spend in an orphanage, and that change is going to rock his little world.

In our adoption training they basically encouraged us to view "gotcha day" as similar to kidnapping.  At first that might seem harsh- we've prayed and waited so long, spent over a year on complicated paperwork, and flew half a world away to meet our son!  But...this is pretty much going to look like kidnapping to Zachary.

Two white people, whom he has never seen before and can not understand, will come in and take him back to a hotel never to return to the life he's always known.

An orphanage might be a cold and lonely place to live.  But it has been his home.

A few caring nannies can never give the kind of love and attention that a full time Mom and Dad can.  But this is who he loves.

And he doesn't know that there is redemption and hope and love ahead for him.  We pray that God will heal the broken places in his heart, that he will give Zachary peace and joy as he realizes  we are a family, but there is no guarantee.

The ony guarantee is that there will be grieving and fear and sadness tomorrow as Zachary comes to us.  And God will meet us there.  He will carry us through this and walk with us on a journey of healing and hope.

So tonight we are excited.  And nervous. And sad.  And joyful.  I guess you could say that's life.  

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10