YES.

Our adoption process has been smooth so far, although we know once everything gets to China and out of our hands that strange things can happen.  Still, God is in control.  But the waiting....wooweee the waiting is tougher than we thought.  I've never claimed to be a patient person, but God is showing me that I can't claim any patience at all with this process...every drop of patience I have is from Jesus.  He is cultivating it in me.  Because every bit of myself wants to speed up this process so that we are there, right now, holding Zachary in our arms.  Josh told me yesterday, "You know what....waiting is so hard once you've already fallen in love with his face."  And that's the truth.  We don't even know our son.  We only know his face, and yet our hearts long for him and miss him and we want to be the ones tucking him in at night.  We want to be the ones who catch his giggles and smiles throughout the day.  We want to walk with him through his fears and frustrations.  NOW!  But God is showing us that there is a purpose in the waiting, and that beautiful things bloom out of perseverance.  The other day an adoptive Mom who has been there/done that said to me, "I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, I'm telling you it is going to be worth it."  And so, the waiting and the uncertainty is difficult, but the reward will be huge!  May God help us wait with grace.

"When you say YES to adoption, you are saying YES to enter the suffering of the orphan, and that suffering includes WAITING FOR YOU TO GET TO THEM. I promise you, their suffering is worse than yours. We say YES to the tears, YES to the longing, YES to the maddening process, YES to the money, YES to hope, YES to the screaming frustration of it all, YES to going the distance through every unforeseen discouragement and delay. Do not imagine that something outside of "your perfect plan" means you heard God wrong. God has already said YES to adoption. There is NO perfect adoption. EVERY adoption has snags. We Americans invented the "this must mean God is closing a door" or "God must not be in this because it is hard," but all that is garbage.  God is in the middle of it all.  You know what's hard? Being an orphan. They need us to be champions and heroes for them, fighting like heck to get them home. So we will.  We may cry and rage and scream and wail in the process, but by God's grace, get them home we will."

--Jen Hatmaker (adoptive Mom)

Immigration Approval!!

Our paperwork was approved quickly.  It took 36 days ya'll.  We were expecting at least 60 and told it could take 90.  God heard our prayers and answered them specifically and loudly.  He's been doing that our entire adoption process.  We've had many "no" prayers in our spiritual walk, but throughout this adoption God continues to tell us YES!  Thank you Lord for seeing to the smallest of details...even answering my prayer for a "nice officer" by allowing me a chance to talk to ours.  When I called to check on our status the person who picked up the phone just happened to be our officer...and was completely kind and gracious and gave us a hearty "congratulations!"  This same officer will be handling our other paperwork for Zachary, so it was a blessing to know we got a good one.

One step closer.

We are rushing this beautiful "permission letter from the USA to adopt" out for certification and authentication.  The rest of our dossier has been certified and is at the Chinese Consulate right now getting authenticated.  Once everything gets back to us certified and authenticated (hopefully 2 weeks or so) we will officially send everything to China.  That is the big milestone!

So here's what the process looks like from here:

1.  Authenticate dossier
2. Send dossier to China
3.  Receive log in date from China (paperwork processed)
4. LOA (letter of acceptance that dossier has been translated and we have been given Chinese government approval to adopt Zachary)
5. I800, GUZ, Article 5 (not even going to try to explain, basically a bunch of steps to get Zachary an American visa and get a consulate appointment in China to come adopt him)
6. Travel Approval!

Because this step went quickly it is looking like we have a good chance of getting to Zachary before Christmas!!!  That has been my prayer all along, although Asher prays that we get him before Halloween because he doesn't want him to miss out on all the candy (lol).  Once our dossier gets to China, it is typically 4-6 months later that travel approval is given.  Most of this depends on the LOA wait, which averages anywhere from 20 days to 120 days.  There is no rhyme or reason, some just take longer than others.  So, we truly have no idea when we will travel, but hopefully sooner rather than later.

We are so excited to have this step behind us and will truly celebrate once we get our dossier to China.  Our documents need to be approved for authentication and then safely travel back here and then to China without any issues.  Then it is all out of our hands and we pray for the Chinese government to officially approve our request to adopt Zachary.  Keep praying for us, we feel your love and support each step of the way!

Sing A New Song

And some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to him, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples.”  He answered, “I tell you, if they were silent, the very stones would cry out.” - Luke 19:39-40

This coming Sunday is Palm Sunday, and then of course Easter follows.  This time of year happens to be one of my favorites.  The sun is shining, temperatures are warming, the mornings are peppered with bird song, and nature bursts into color.

All of it is a testimony to the fact that we we serve a God who is very much alive!

I grew up as a Seminary kid.  We spent 8 years between both of my parent's Masters degrees at Southern Theological Seminary.  I remember that time of my life more than any other, it is such a huge part of my childhood memories.  I sat in on theological classes, learned more about doctrine than any eight year old would want to know, and got to watch my Mom perform some of the most beautiful sacred music.  But my absolute favorite was when Mom took us along to her choir rehearsals.  The Seminary Choir was amazing, I remember thinking they sounded like angels from heaven, all blending in perfect harmony.  I would lay in the pews in the massive balcony and listen to them sing, learning all the lyrics and harmonies right alongside them.  Mom would often laugh as Jenni and I would sing all her songs back to her in Italian and German, we had heard them so often!  I still remember the foreign lyrics to these songs all these years later.

One song that has stuck with me all these years is a song called "Then Will the Very Rocks Cry Out". It was sung at Easter time, and Easter was always very special at our house.  Not because of the easter eggs, or baskets, or ham dinner.  But because of the music.  I remember driving to church on Easter morning at the crack of dawn for the sunrise service, foam curlers in my hair, listening to my parents sing at the top of their lungs.  Easter for me is "Then Will the Very Rocks Cry Out".  It is "He Takes Away the Sins of the World".  It is "Easter Song".  It is "Was it a Morning Like This".

We would crank up the stereo on our dark Easter morning drive and sing loudly with praise, "hear the bells ringing, they're singing, Christ is risen from the dead!"  We were joyful, and as a kid I understood the source of that joy was Jesus Christ. 

As we grow and get older it is easy to lose that joyful innocence that childhood lends.  There is a lot of hurt and suffering in the world, we begin to understand and resonate with the suffering that thursday and friday before Easter represent.  The cross is suffering, and we understand the gravity of what Christ chose to do for us.  There is a time to mourn.  There is a time for grieving and sadness.

But let us never lose our joy!  Because on Sunday He defeated every ounce of suffering that the world will ever throw at us.  He is alive and the wonder of that still makes me want to break out in song every morning.  It is easy for the suffering, pain and even the regular routines of life to silence us.  Maybe for only a season, maybe longer.  But our silence does not mean that there is not a reason for joy.

The song the seminary choir sang on Palm Sunday is taken from the bible verse above, Luke 10:39-40.  In it is the lyric "If we keep our voices silent all creation will rise and shout.  If we fail to praise you Father, then will the very rocks cry out!"

Do you see the incredible things Jesus just said?  If we are not singing his praises then the very rocks of the Earth would cry out his praises, He is that deserving!  And that is why I love this time of year.  Because every bird song, every flower bursting into bloom, is creation singing the praises of its creator.  He is alive!  He rose from the dead and overcame the world so that one day we will sing his praises in Heaven, forever.  And until then, let us never grow weary of singing him a new song.  Through the pain, the long days, the worries and fears, let us cling to the promise of Easter.  We have a God who was not content to leave us in our mess and chose to not only meet us in it, but take it on as his own.  Because of that we have hope, forgiveness, new life...joy.

In our house at Easter we do the normal Easter things.  We paint eggs, we stuff Easter baskets, we go through the Resurrection Eggs.  But I hope that our kids remember the joy.  The joy of Christ and his resurrection shining in us.  When Mom and Dad run through the house singing "He is Risen, Hallelujah!" at the top of our lungs I hope they won't just think we're weird or funny (which we totally are), but that they'll know the reason why we want to sing.

Asher, Laurel, Zachary- I pray your lives are filled with music and the joy of praising Jesus, at Easter and always.

Do Not Be Discouraged

I'm going to be honest and admit that this past week has been a bit disappointing for us.  We got our fingerprint appointment in the mail for immigration (yes this is the third fingerprinting and FBI background check we will have completed for this adoption) and it was much later than we were hoping for.  Sometimes, you are able to walk in early for fingerprint appointments and many people have had success doing this to speed up the process.  Josh and I were planning on using the kid's spring break week as a time to catch up on adoption paperwork (stray grant applications, getting the dossier ready to mail) and to walk in early for our fingerprint appointment and hopefully speed up the approval process.

And then the stomach flu hit.

As I was laying on the floor, cradling the toilet after throwing up for the umpteenth time, all I could think about was the fact that we were going to miss our chance to walk in early the next day.  That our dossier documents would continue to sit on our desk, waiting for us to take them to be overnighted for certification.  And heaven help us, how in the world would we survive illness like this with three kids?  When the kids get to complaining I always try to tell them to search for things to be thankful for and then to pray for the needs of others.  When we keep our minds on ourselves it is easy to get overwhelmed.

But I admit that I was feeling a little bit discouraged and self focused.

People with the same receipt date as us had walked in early for fingerprints and had been assigned officers, passing us by in the process.

Our dossier did not make it into the mail before the weekend.

We ran out of checks.

We could barely get off the couch.

And then a few days passed.  The sun was shining through our windows.  My Mom (recovering from her own stomach flu) dropped off snacks and much needed diapers.  Josh's Mom made sure that we were ok and offered to brave the flu if we needed her to help.  My wonderful in-laws surprised us with soup and cake on our doorstep at a time when I had just discovered there was nothing to eat for lunch.  Family and friends called to check up on us and ask if we needed anything.  We started feeling better and the kids started smiling and laughing again (by the way, Josh is an incredibly amazing and helpful husband and daddy, even when he's super sick!  If there was a vomit patrol award he would win it...He's. the. best.) We are incredibly blessed.

God used this moment of weakness and set backs to show us that there is nothing we can do on our own.  When I try to carry on in my own strength my body breaks down, my heart begins to get discouraged, I can start to lose hope.  But when I lean into God's strength I am reminded that I can relax.  I can rest in his grace.  He has it under control and it will all work out according to his purposes.

It is a beautiful day today.  We're a little bit behind with our paperwork chase, and we're not going to be on the fast track with our immigration approval.  The stomach flu was terrible and no, I don't ever want to deal with that again, much less with three kids.  But we will.  That's a fact!  We will see the stomach flu again.  We will most likely see a lot worse than the stomach flu, life is just like that. The stomach flu is small potatoes compared to what a lot of people are dealing with, right? Our adoption journey will continue to have bumps and delays, hopefully small, but who knows.  And yes, when I think about all the days that stand between now and holding Zachary sometimes it is so overwhelming it is hard to breathe.

But then I remember God's word from Joshua 1:9- Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."   

Do not be discouraged- your family and friends are praying for you.

Do not be discouraged- someone is bringing you a meal in your moment of weakness.

Do not be discouraged- every step of your adoption is perfectly timed.

God is with us, alive in us, strengthening and giving us courage for all that lies ahead.  What a promise!  Do not be discouraged.

Puzzle Update

The other day Asher asked how many pieces we had for Zachary's puzzle and if we could start putting it together.

So we went ahead and got the puzzle out and put together our first 13 pieces- it was awesome! 

People have been so generous.  Thank you.   Please know that we do not expect anyone to give us money.  But people have asked us how they can help and we hope that this is a fun way to see our progress towards bringing Zachary home :)

Purple For Zachary

Today we are wearing purple for Zachary, because it is National Epilepsy Awareness Day.  Yesterday was Cerebral Palsy Awareness Day.  I haven't spoken on the blog about Zachary's special needs before, but I wanted to recognize this day as I know that epilepsy is going to change our family.

Zachary has epilepsy.

He also has cerebral palsy.  And a few other more minor special needs.

I don't want Zachary to be defined by his medical diagnoses, but I wanted to shed some light on the magnitude of his situation.

Epilepsy often does not have a cause, but we are fairly sure that Zachary's is related to his cerebral palsy.  Cerebral palsy is a condition that is caused by brain damage, usually due to lack of oxygen at birth, prematurity or some other kind of birth trauma.  As we do not know the circumstances of his birth, we just have to assume that he had some kind of trauma that resulted in brain damage.  He was immediately treated for seizures and diagnosed with epilepsy.  The cerebral palsy diagnoses came much later, even after we had already started praying about adopting him.

There are medications and therapies for both of his diagnoses. But each seizure has the potential to cause further brain damage.  In rare instances they can be fatal.   His orphanage has a doctor on staff that has provided medications that are controlling his seizures fairly well, which is very encouraging.  Unforunately, these same medications are also contributing to his developmental delays.  There are other meds and treatments that doctors in the US have access to that might help Zachary.  In the orphanage he also does not have access to the therapies that may one day promote walking, talking, and developing to his full potential.

But he is sunshine, that is what everyone says.  He doesn't walk or talk well, due to side effects from meds, orphanage delays, CP and epilepsy.  But we do know that he has a smile for everyone.  That his laugh is infectious.  That the doctors and therapists we have talked to who have personally visited him remember him immediately, because of his sweet personality.

So today we wear purple for our little boy in China who through no fault of his own has been forced to walk the road of this terrible condition.  But there is hope for him to live as normal a life as possible, and we are thankful to God for the opportunity to provide that to him.  To get him the best medical care he deserves, and to love him, encourage him and never, ever give up on him.  He can do all things through Christ who gives him strength...even carry the burden of epilepsy and cerebral palsy for the rest of his life.

If Zachary never walks, then we will be his feet and carry him wherever Jesus asks us to go.

If Zachary never talks, then we will be his words and share his story with everyone we know.

If Zachary never mentally matures to adulthood, then we will pray that his heart will be tender like a child to the Word of God.

And if for some reason Zachary defies all expectations and limits place on him, then we will give God all the glory.  Because we know that God is going to use Zachary and his story for His glory, He has a special plan and purpose for our little boy.

It's all for Jesus

You revive me, You revive me Lord.

And all my deserts are rivers of joy.

You are the treasure, I could not afford.

So I'll spend myself till I'm empty and poor,

all for You, You revive me Lord.